Major Lemons
by RawrBecauseRawr
Summary: Lots of lemons in this one... No, not THOSE kinds of lemons, you silly perv! Only humor, no adult situations at all. Well, not REALLY... However, you should bring your anti horneyness armor or be compelled to rape your dog [or half dog, muwahaha].


-1)-Major Lemons-(

"SIT!"

Inuyasha slammed into the ground, face-first, for the 3rd time in 10 minutes.

"I DON'T KNOW WHY THE HELL YOU'RE SO GOD DAMN ANGRY, ITS NOT LIKE I PLANNED IT OR ANYTHING!"

"LIAR!"

"HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW YOU WERE TAKING A BATH?"

"YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE EVEN BEEN FOLLOWING ME!"

"OH, SO NOW I CAN'T FOLLOW PEOPLE?"

Miroku and Sango were watching them, sharing a bag of excessively buttery popcorn Kagome had brought back to the Feudal Era from her own time.

"10 bucks says Inuyasha will eat dirt in the next minute" Miroku said to Sango.

"OF COURSE YOU CAN'T! WHY WERE YOU EVEN FOLLOWING ME ANYWAY?"

"MAYBE I WAS BORED AND DECIDED TO TAKE A WALK!"

"LYING BASTARD!"

"OOOOOO, THAT REALLY hurt my feelings!" Inuyasha said sarcastically, making a face and a rude hand gesture.

"SIT!"

BOOM

"Did THAT hurt then?"

"Duh it hurt!"

"Hahahaha! You owe me 10 bucks!" Miroku announced gleefully to Sango.

"It's all your fault we're on this shard-hunt in the first place!"

"Well it's YOUR fault that you tried to kill me, and that crow thing ate it!"

"I wouldn't have tried to kill you if you didn't have the damn thing in the first place!"

"I didn't even know I had the damn thing until that centipede demon pulled it outta me!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

It went on like this for an hour or so, until Shippo yelled at them. "Will you two be quiet! I smell something..."

They silenced.

Inuyasha sniffed the air. "Smells like lemons..."

Just then, a little, bright yellow lemon jumped out at them. It laughed a terribly high-pitched laugh. In a high-pitched voice it said, "I am Major Lemons! Ruler of the Lemonades! BEWARE MY POWER! MUAHAHAHAHA!"

Inuyasha: Are you kidding me!

Author: Definitely not:D

Kagome: Is this just for your sick kicks!

Author: You better believe it! -cackles insanely for several minutes then stops abruptly, slowly pointing to Kagome to blame-

Kagome: But how could you do that! You're so terrible! -cries-

Author: I can do anything I want! Watch!

Inuyasha: -bursts into spontaneous song and dance, shaking his ass as he belts- "MY MILKSHAKE BRINGS ALL THE BOYS TO THE YARD!"

Kagome: -points a horrified finger to Inuyasha- MY GOD! THAT'S SO TERRIBLE! And yet so strangely arousing…

Author: MUAHAHAHA!

Inuyasha: I shall kill you! -runs to attack-

Author: COME AND GET IT, CHICKEN WING!

Inuyasha: -attacks-

Major Lemons rolled over and looked at Sango and Miroku. "MUAHAHAHA! You will bow to my power or pay the consequences!" With that a citrus-y blast of lemon-ness shot strait at Sango and Miroku.

They both screamed as they were hit with the blast.

Sango grabbed Miroku and started-

Bunnies hop around in a meadow. It's a bright and sunny day in the land of paradise. The bunnies are soon joined by chipmunks and puppies...and little kitties of course! WHERE WOULD THE WORLD BE WITHOUT KITTIES! They all play in the sun on this perfect day in paradise… TOGETHER! -dies-

"God, that had to be the most sickening thing I've seen in my life."

"Shut up Inuyasha. I think it's cute…"

"THAT SANGO'S BANGING MIROKU? OH MY GOD! KAGOME LIKES PORN?"

"I was referring to the bunnies," she replied heatedly.

Inuyasha sighed dramatically. "Kagome, you're hopeless."

Major Lemons turned to Inuyasha and Kagome. "NOW IT'S YOUR TURN!"

They both screamed uselessly and began to run away.

"GET BACK HERE MORTALS!" And with that note of dOom, Major Lemons started to roll lazily after them.

Kagome tripped over her large chicken-like feet and fell in the only mud puddle in a 300 mile radius, garbling a call for help to Inuyasha through her mouthful of filth.

Inuyasha ran back for her and dragged her along by the hair, because he had just washed his kimono and wanted to keep it clean as possible, thank you very much, crippled Kagome or not.

Lemons started falling from the sky, chanting obscenities and horrific R-rated things as Kagome coughed up worms.

Inuyasha cried and ran faster.

And suddenly… SUDDENLY… He decided to go off-track and run into the only tree in the 300 mile radius.

Author: sighs contentedly You guys are rather unfortunate, aren't you? :D

Inuyasha: growls and cracks his fingers Did I mention I hate every ounce of your miserable existence?

Author: Yes darling, you said so yesterday :3 -nods mater-of-factly-

Inuyasha: Oh burn!

Author: -mumbling to self- Perhaps I shall get Kagome to rape Kouga in the next scene…

Kouga: YESSS!

Inuyasha: Alright, alright, here's your stupid drink! -throws soda can at Author and sulks off in a butler's outfit-

Author: Ha! I LIED! -sips drink-

Kouga: DAMN YOU! throws rock

Inuyasha and Kagome wake up in a horribly bright yellow room tied to 2 chairs.

"Wha… where are we," Kagome asked, coughing up dirt half-way through her sentence.

"I WAS DRAGGED OFF TOO, YOU DUMB WENCH," Inuyasha yelled, aggravated at the idiotic question. "IF I KNEW WE'D BE OUT!"

With that, Major Lemons rolled up to them. "Bow down to me, mortals!"

"GET ME OUTTA THIS FUCKIN' CHAIR YOU, YOU LEMON!"

"You're a demon, you say? Hmmm...this will be interesting then!"

"I didn't say that! Grow some ears!"

"You're in love with a turtle named Mr. Pooky? Do tell!"

"YOU ASSHAT."

"You raped Mr. Pooky just last night? Oh, Mr. Pooky's a GIRL turtle! Strange name, strange name…"

"ARGH!"

The bonds to Inuyasha's chair breaks. "Defeat me in combat, and I will free you and your girlfriend, who you're cheating on Mr. Pooky with."

"I'll beat you into pulp...wha...WAIT! SHE'S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND! AND I'M NOT HAVING SEX WITH MR. POOKY!"

"Oh, I see… both virgins… That's alright, one mustn't rush these things."

"I'MA KEEEEL YOU!"

Author: don't doubt yourself Inuyasha! Mr. Pooky loves you too!

Inuyasha: you have drastic mental issues.

Author: -rubbing chocolate into her teeth-

Inuyasha: -growls-

"Fine. I'll take you on!" Inuyasha agreed angrily.

"Excellent! MUAHAHAHA!"

They were transported to an open-roofed stadium, where millions of teeny lemons sat in the stands. Inuyasha could see it was cloudy outside.

"IN THIS CORNER," the announcer lemon declared loudly into a microphone, "THE COMPETITOR, THE INTRUDER, THE VIRGIN, INUYASHA!"

"HEY!"

"AND IN THIS CORNER, OUR LEADER, OUR LORD AND MASTER, THE CAUSE OF R-RATED ADULT HAPPENINGS, LUTENIENT MAJOR LEMONS!"

The crowd cheered.

"Stupid lemons," Inuyasha scoffed under his breath.

"Inuyasha!" a familiar voice called out to him.

He turned around to find Kagome staring at him from the crowd, still tied to the chair. "YOU BETTER WIN!" she screamed.

"AND… BEGIN!"

DING!

Major lemons shot a blast of lemony goodness strait at him. Inuyasha jumped up. Major Lemons just kept shooting, while the hanyou kept jumping around like a hyper active monkey.

Sesshoumaru appeared out of nowhere and started juggling turtles.

Inuyasha looked over at his half-brother and was wondering whether to start laughing or just scream and cry.

Major Lemons hit him with a blast of lemony goodness.

Inuyasha just stood there.

"Wha..What? MY LEMONY BLAST HAS FAILED!"

Major Lemons: -cries- How could you?

Author: dude… it's in the manual… DUH…

Major Lemons: -flips through the manual until he finds the page on lemony rules-

Inuyasha came down on the little sobbing lemon.

SQUISH.

There was a collective gasp from the Lemonades.

"Shit," Inuyasha bragged, proud smile on his face as he wiped his foot off. "That was pathetic."

"Um, Inuyasha..." The hanyou didn't notice the tiny squeaking sounds.

"I know Kagome, I'll be up in a minute," he procrastinated.

"INUYASHA!" A looming shadow now. A squeaky looming shadow.

"HOLD ON I SAID!"

"INUYASHA!" Kagome thrashed around. "LOOK UP HERE!"

"Ugh!" He turned and looked up. "Wha?" A giant person made out of lemons was glaring down from above him. "AWWW! COME ON!" he shouted to the sky angrilyl

"CITRUS FIST OF FURY!" millions of little squeaky voices said. The fist of the Lemonades' figure came down on him.

"God I hate lemons!" He pulled out his Tessaiga, transforming it to a big, shiny, pointy object.

Author: HOMIGOD SHINY! DISTRACTED NOW!

Inuyasha: Mine! -Holds sword away-

Author: Gimme!

Inuyasha: Mine! -Runs away-

Author: Gimme!

Inuyasha: Mine!

The Big Lemon Thingy: -just watches, turning back and forth as Inuyasha runs away from author-

(The clouds go away and the sun is up and the lemons get dehydrated)

Author: Wow, lookie all the shriveling lemonies!

Inuyasha: wha…? -looks up at the lemons- But… but I was gonna kick some ass! -cries-

Author: -bursts into song and dance to Stroke 9's Kick Some Ass-

Inuyasha: -dies because of shit singing-

Author: MY SHINY POINTY THING NOW! -steals sword-

Inuyasha: -turns into a demon and runs after Author- I'M GONNA KILL YOU!

Author: O.O -screeches and runs away-

Kagome: -Laughing her head off...still tied to the chair-

Inuyasha: KILL!

Author: HELP!

Inuyasha: KILL!

Author: WAAAAAAAAAA!

Kagome: -Laughing-

Sesshoumaru: -still juggling turtles-

Sango and Miroku: -still (bunnies and squirrels and chipmunks and puppies in a meadow on a summer afternoon)ing-

Author: well… that was overall very spontaneous! ANYWAY! I have edited this to better suit my liking! Enjoy bunches, you dirty garden hoes!

Inuyasha: -sad-

Author: before I go, I have ONE MORE story for you...

There once was a little box.

It was very lonely.

No matter where it went, or what came before it, it was always ignored.

One day, a girl saw the box sobbing on the side of the road and took pity on it.

She brought it back with her and gave it a home, but despite the girl's best efforts, it still was seldom recognized for its importance.

The box didn't understand why no one took the time to realize that it was, indeed, a very important something.

It helped people.

It encouraged people.

It voiced people's true thoughts.

But only when it was noticed.

This is a true story.

So make the little review box happy.

Realize its true importance.


End file.
